1. Swive no one named Zoe, Brigit or Natasha.
2. Let no one leave anything in your home or hotel room.
3. Don’t buy cheap shoes.
4. Shoe trees. Cedar.
5. The Bluebook: A Uniform System of Citation (1926-present) is always important.
6. Most British women don’t like British men.
7. Legal interviews don’t tell you much.
8. Have a coworker in same room if you interview someone.
9. Don’t jump to hire law grads with blue collar backgrounds. Some think they’ve arrived and are done.
10. Women make better associate lawyers.
11. On documents, Rule 34 (Production of Documents and Things) and Rule 45 (Subpoena) of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure do very different things. Know what they are.
12, Dogs are the best thing about this planet.
13. Cats not dogs if you travel.
14. Great-looking women think they’re ugly.
15. Great-looking men are a tad delusional.
16. Irish, Welsh, Finnish, Ethiopian and Afro-American women are heroes. Forever in charge. Enduring.
17. A disproportionate number of Irish people are drunks.
18. A disproportionate number of Irish people are verbally or lyrically gifted.
19. Jewish doctors do not understand Irish, English and German drunks.
20. Jews and Italians are the best drinkers. They have rules. They have genes.
21. The Jews are It. Consistently awesome and world-changing tribe for 2500 years.
22. Well-dressed Russian women are cheap, treacherous and insane.
The Cardsharps, Caravaggio, c. 1594
23. For decades the wrong people have gone to law school.
24. Lawyers are less well-educated and well-rounded every decade.
25. Most lawyers dislike lawyering.
26. There are at about 40 exceptional American colleges and universities.
27. Do one silly thing every day.
28. Never be impressed by Phi Beta Kappas.
29. Always be impressed by Marshall scholars, Rhodes scholars and Williams grads.
30. Have at least 3 impeccable suits. They should be expensive but need not be tailored.
31. Don’t wear bow ties every day. Almost every day is fine.
32. Cuffs on all long pants except jeans and tuxedo trousers.
33. Wear khaki pants and suits or seersucker suits in Summer. Summer means Memorial Day to Labor Day.
34. Twice a month dress like a pimp from a New Orleans whorehouse.
35. Know who you are. Learn family history back five generations.
36. Talk to people on elevators. All of them.
37. Don’t do Europe with other Americans.
38. Just 2 cats.
39. People are happy going through life as turds.
40. When in Rome, do as many Romans as you can.
– Hugh Grant (b. 1960)
