Face it. Lawyers live in a world where harmless nerds, social misfits and mutants seem almost normal. That’s okay. But jurors never like self-important mean-spirited “assisting creeps”. That’s personal. Not okay.
Jurors, of course, will always surprise you. No matter what an expert might tell you, or how hard you’ve worked at selection, you are always wrong about two or three of them. You’ve heard that.
Insect Control. Now hear this: don’t go out of your way to antagonize jurors with sideshows which have nothing to do with the trial itself. Bring no “creeps” with you to trial. Keep them in the office.
If they must show up–even for a moment–teach them to “un-creep” themselves, starting at 60 second intervals, and practicing until they can hold out for five minutes at a stretch. Hint: They pretend they are happy confident people who genuinely like other humans. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. And remember, you seek progress–not perfection. Be gentle at first.
Non-Creeps–and Recovering Creeps Who Under Pressure of Trial May Relapse in Public. Bring to trial no “non-creeps” capable of any snide, “mean” or creepy gesture, facial expression or body language glitch lasting more than one half-second. Instruct your non-creeps to read this post to be on the safe side.
Reformed creeps–you spotted them early and sent them to rehab but they are ultimately powerless over they way they look or act–need pep talks, and brief courtroom appearances. See above.
A Note On Nerds: Okay In Doses. But Do Limit To Brief Administrative Appearances, Errands, and Menial Tasks. However, a few generic dweebs running in and out of the courtroom carrying a huge box of documents, a phone message from your wife about Nantucket next summer with the Bloors, a good luck note from your mistress, your lucky bow-tie, your spats, your black cape with red lining, or your reserve pair of Bass Weejuns–messengers and agreeable lackeys who are exactly the kind of people you routinely made fun of in high school–is okay.