We are not worthy. Above is Chicago. Below is an actual ad we received last week from our friend Scott Greenfield, an understated New Yorker who writes Simple Justice. Scott (aka “Redford”) has been instrumental–if not crucial–in globally popularizing a word we coined a decade ago and started using on this blog: Slackoisie.
The undersigned finally met Greenfield in downtown Chicago this past year as part of a crusade, of sorts, to save the lawyer work ethic. But that’s another story.
The ad below is real, from Craig’s List. We admire it. And Redford beat us to the punch on trumpeting it.
A Promise. If we learn the identity the lawyer-author, each of our writers here at WAC? has already vowed to name his or her next-born (caveat: needs to be legitimate) child of either gender after the last name of the Ad Writer.
Even if his or her surname turns out to be Yakov-Rabinowitz. Or Wesikevceizck. Or O’Leary. Whatever.
I’ve warned each of our writers this kind of thing could happen. I know Chicago fairly well. Twice as a kid I lived in the Chicago suburbs (La Grange and Highland Park). My mother is from Evanston. I’ve worked in Chicago a lot. The point is that simple boring Anglo names (i.e., Smith, Smythe, Hall, Pennington) are in the minority.
But a deal’s a deal.
For those of you who don’t know anything about Chicago–and you should, because this is a great American city–“The Loop” means the heart of its downtown, its core business district and specifically an area enclosed by a public transit circuit built in the late 1800s. The Loop is about as Chicago as you get. And this ad is about as honest as you get:
Loyal Workhorse Wanted (Loop)
Growing Plaintiff’s/Petitioner’s Personal Injury and Workers’ Comp firm seeks dedicated Associate.
Starting salary of $38k to $45k, bonus, generous fee split on cases you bring.
Depending on the candidate, we would either like a hard-working, smart, aggressive new Attorney looking for a great opportunity to learn, or an attorney with some Workers’ Compensation and/or Personal Injury experience looking for a great place to work and grow professionally.
Position available January, 2010.
Must be able to work hard, learn quickly, do things my way, and handle several tasks simultaneously.
Must be licensed, have car for occasional local travel.
There will be a 90 day probation period. If you do not impress me, you will not remain employed with me.
I will not tolerate:
* Dishonesty. I will not stand for a hint of it.
* Out of control ego. You have no reason for it.
* Emotional instability. Wrong line of work for you.
* Lazy people looking for to make their life easy. I work hard, and you will, too.
* Spoiled children of privilege – you may be the apple of your parent’s eye, but here, it is about production.
* Drama. It affects your ability to earn money.
* People who cannot follow instructions. I only like to repeat myself during closing argument.
* People who cannot manage their time. Do I have to explain why?
* Anyone who ever is smart or mean with a client. They are our present and future.
* Disloyal or passive-aggressive personality types. I am direct. You should be, too.
* Anyone prone to forgetting who the boss is. My way or highway.
* People who stew over not being paid “what they are worth.” You are worth what you can find a job to pay you.
* People who only ever see problems, not solutions. This business is about solving problems. I will show you how.
* Sissies. You are going to be in front of scowling Judges, mean Defense attorneys, weeping clients. I will be nice to you, but that’s about it.
